Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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