We're like a lot better than the average bears
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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