so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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