I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
