I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
