She said her name was "party"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
