He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
