Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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