Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
