Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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