i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
