He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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