How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
