I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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