he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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