yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
