Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
