I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
