HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
