well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
