Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
