Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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