Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
