Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
