So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
