uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
