I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
