I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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