so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
