beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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