this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
