If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
