But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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