There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
