I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
