Having a random hookup so left but love u
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
