i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
