I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
