I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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