Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
