Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
