Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
