I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
