I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
