Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
