My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
