Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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