I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
