just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
