I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
