Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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